shaanti, yo

I had my two months in the sun on twitter. Last week I deactivated my digitalheer account. It was fun, while it lasted. Met some funny tweeps, and all that. I had a little Poonjab circle going. I even made friends with someone in my city, someone to actually hang with!

But I killed @digitalheer. She's been cremated into a computron obliterized ashes.

Why?

Park51, pseudo-love life, and the antics of the world vs my de-antics. The energy on twitter is visceral. A battleground of everyone's "HUM HAI!" Some of it will be funny, some of it will just drain your inner self. In the end, social networking will eat into your head, like a worm.

I attended a hyper religious camp 3 years ago. The whole time I cried in my secret corner, because I felt so judged-- for not wearing a turban, for not wearing a salvaar kameez everywhere I went, for not going on religious tirades filled with shame on why I am not more of a Sikh. There was lots of negativity within me, as I felt everything around me go cave-man. I could not understand why the girls would not talk to me. I am the most non-scandalous girl around. But I did not look the part, in their eyes. And their reason for sticking to themselves: to contain one's energy. To not get distracted.

I could not fathom that I could possibly be the shaitaan that would set their souls alight.

I took it all to heart.

And then I thought about it, once I had returned home, firmly resolved never to attend another Sikh camp again. I went through my cycle of Sikh-hating.

And I thought about the judgment. Did it make them stronger? No, in the end I felt they were insular and conceited in their judgment. But it did bring them an astounding shaanti-- a peace. They controlled what entered their inner circle. What information, what energy. And in this way they were able to maintain their presentation of that ephemeral state- equipoise.

And I can dig that. I am a firm believer in fact of controlling what information and energy you let into your inner circle. This is why I don't watch TV. And why I don't hang with white people. I knock out these energies so that I can preserve my inner shaanti. Right now, all is not well in my world. I need to preserve whatever inner shaanti I got.

Shaanti, yo. Peaceout @digitalheer.